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Andy Rooney's Quotes


  The biggest seller is cook books and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Being liked is nice, but it is not my intent.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I believe that if all the truth in the world was known the world would be a better place.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I dont like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Vegetarian – that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you cant eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesnt spread.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Not many people in this world are as lucky as I have been. Although, if you do see me in a restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do dont need to be done.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we dont make any big ones.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesnt have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  It is paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesnt appeal to anyone.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Dont rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Nothing in fine print is ever good news.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  There are idiots who will buy anything as long as it costs enough.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesnt do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  In spite of the old sayings to the contrary, the best presents come in large packages.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I am here for.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I dont think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Not many people in this world are as lucky as I have been... All this time I have been paid to say what is on my mind on television. You dont get any luckier in life than that.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I dont differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that love, not time, heals all wounds.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that life is tough, but I am tougher.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers. More college graduates ought to become plumbers or electricians, then go home at night and read Shakespeare.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Not everyone has a right to his own opinion. If he doesnt know the facts, his opinion doesnt count.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that when you're in love, it shows.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day,' makes my day.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that being kind is more important than being right.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that you should never say no to a gift from a child.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that I can always pray for someone when I dont have the strength to help him in some other way.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that we should be glad God doesnt give us everything we ask for.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that money doesnt buy class.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that it is those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I recently bought this new laptop to use when I travel. Look at that. Fits right into my briefcase. It weighs less than three pounds. I lose that much getting mad, waiting to get on the plane through security at the airport.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  My idea of heaven would be to die and awaken in a place that has all my lost things.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I am always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  There's nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we're flattered when a stranger asks us where maple Street is in our hometown and we can tell him.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Obscenities - I think a lot of dumb people do it because they cant think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart – want to be just one of the boys.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  The best thing that's bad for you is butter.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I dont think of myself as a television personality. I am a writer who reads what he is written.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I have learned... that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Elephants and grandchildren never forget.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  If you wonder what anyone thinks of you, consider what you think of them.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I've learned... that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I've learned... that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Vegetarian – that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic... speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I've learned... that love, not time, heals all wounds.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I've learned... that being kind is more important than being right.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Obscenities - I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart – want to be just one of the boys.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I believe that if all the truth in the world was known the world would be a better place.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers. More college graduates ought to become plumbers or electricians, then go home at night and read Shakespeare.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Not many people in this world are as lucky as I've been. Although, if you do see me in a restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Elephants and grandchildren never forget.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  There are idiots who will buy anything as long as it costs enough.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I've learned... that you should never say no to a gift from a child.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I've learned... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Not many people in this world are as lucky as I've been. Although, if you do see me in a restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Not many people in this world are as lucky as I've been. Although, if you do see me in a restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  I've learned... that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books; how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.  
 -  Andy Rooney
  

  Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.  
 -  Andy Rooney