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Beck's Quotes


  You eat right, you play right.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  I always used to go for blondes and quiet girls, but Victoria is the total opposite, dark and loud.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  He way I and my family have been treated is an absolute disgrace. At the end of the day, I am a nice person and loving husband and father. I have been called a bad father, I have been called a bad husband and my wife has been called a bad mother. Things always hurt that are said about my family, and for people to call my wife a bad mother is unbelievable. I am a strong person, I am a strong family man, I am a strong husband and a strong father.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about seven.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  People react to criticism in different ways, and my way is definitely to come out fighting.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  It is amazing, being married to Victoria, because I am in love with her...and I can also go into her room and use all the body creams and facial creams.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  It is different having a little girl. She is elegant. She sleeps in an elegant position. She is the cutest thing. I cant wait to get home to see her.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  I had many years, many successful years playing under Sir Alex Ferguson. I wouldn't be in the position I am today if it wasn't for him, because he gave me a chance when I was 16, 17 years old and he had the faith to give youngsters a chance. I owe him a lot. He was a father figure to me for many years.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  I always wanted to be a hairdresser.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  We've been asked to do Playboy together, me and Victoria, as a pair. I dont think I will ever go naked, But I will never say never.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  Soccer is a magical game. I am very confident fans here in America will continue to see that. There's no reason they cant be as passionate about soccer as they are about every other sport here.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  I am happy in Madrid, my kids are happy and my wife is happy, so everything's good. If anyone knows about contracts they take a while to sort out.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  There's room for boys' and girls' football in the world-that's what I believe.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  We stay as a team. I might be England captain, but that doesnt mean I get treated differently.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  With United, we'd all grown up together, we all wanted to win the biggest trophy in football. We did it togther.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  Being at a club that supported me meant a lot.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  Alex Ferguson is the best manager I have ever had at this level. Well, he is the only manager I have actually had at this level. But he is the best manager I have ever had.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  Every situation has changed me as a person.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  Hindsight is a wonderful thing.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  I dont think I am really in a situation to complain, because I consider myself to be privileged to be doing what I do.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  I have got this obsessive compulsive disorder where I have to have everything in a straight line, or everything has to be in pairs.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  I love scoring goals for England and playing for England. That's one of the reasons I didn't retire - I love playing for my country.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  I like nice clothes, whether they're dodgy or not.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  I love little kids looking up to me, young players looking up to me, respecting me.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesnt matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Dont confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  You know you're a mother when you use your own saliva to clean your child's face, and when your child throws up, you catch it.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wears a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and 30 days later looks like a well-dressed thermometer.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Next to a hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  An advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighbourhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  If you cant make it better, you can laugh at it.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  To me, golf is something you did with your hands while you talked. Unless you smoked. Then you never had to leave the clubhouse.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Skiing? I do not participate in any sport that has ambulances at the bottom of the hill.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It is like stealing a two-year-old.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  I am going to stop punishing my children by saying, 'Never mind! I will do it myself.'  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  My second favourite household chore is ironing, my first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Dont worry about who doesnt like you, who has more, or who's doing what.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  He who laughs... lasts.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  I have been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I have lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Sometimes I cant figure designers out. It is as if they flunked human anatomy.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  If a man watches three American football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Never accept a drink from a urologist.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, 'What light?' and two more to say, 'I didn't turn it on.'  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When humor goes, there goes civilization.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  One thing they never tell you about child-raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Anything you buy will be in the sale next week.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Housework can kill you if done right.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  I am too old for a paper round, too young for social security and too tired for an affair.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It is gossip.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  My theory on housework is, if the item doesnt multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he is doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Shopping is a woman thing. It is a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Anything that just costs money is cheap.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  People need responsibility. They resist assuming it, but they cannot get along without it.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple, learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  I believe that love cannot be bought except with love.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  This I believe: That the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: The freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: Any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  If I wanted to destroy a nation, I would give it too much and I would have it on its knees, miserable, greedy and sick.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Try to understand men. If you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and almost always leads to love.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  No one wants advice, only collaboration.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  New York is an ugly city, a dirty city. Its climate is a scandal, its politics are used to frighten children, its traffic is madness, its competition is murderous. But there is one thing about it - once you have lived in New York and it has become your home, no place else is good enough.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  A sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker, than a germ.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Unless a reviewer has the courage to give you unqualified praise, I say ignore the bastard.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is indestructible.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  It is one of the triumphs of the human that he can know a thing and still not believe it.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  When two people meet, each one is changed by the other so you've got two new people.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts. Perhaps the fear of a loss of power.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  The discipline of the written word punishes both stupidity and dishonesty.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Can you honestly love a dishonest thing?  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  And it never failed that during the dry years the people forgot about the rich years, and during the wet years they lost all memory of the dry years. It was always that way.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  It is true that we are weak and sick and ugly and quarrelsome but if that is all we ever were, we would millenniums ago have disappeared from the face of the earth.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  All war is a symptom of man's failure as a thinking animal.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  I am happy to report that in the war between reality and romance, reality is not the stronger.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Sometimes a man wants to be stupid if it lets him do a thing his cleverness forbids.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  I have come to believe that a great teacher is a great artist and that there are as few as there are any other great artists. It might even be the greatest of the arts since the medium is the human mind and spirit.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  It is the nature of man to rise to greatness if greatness is expected of him.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  The writer must believe that what he is doing is the most important thing in the world. And he must hold to this illusion even when he knows it is not true.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  In my heart there may be doubt that I deserve the Nobel award over other men of letters whom I hold in respect and reverence, but there is no question of my pleasure and pride in having it for myself. It is customary for the recipient of this award to offer personal or scholarly comment on the nature and the direction of literature. At this particular time, however, I think it would be well to consider the high duties and the responsibilities of the makers of literature.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Lord, how the day passes! It is like a life - so quickly when we dont watch it and so slowly if we do.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wears a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and 30 days later looks like a well-dressed thermometer.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  You know you're a mother when you use your own saliva to clean your child's face, and when your child throws up, you catch it.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  An advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Never accept a drink from a urologist.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Next to a hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, 'What light?' and two more to say, 'I didn't turn it on.'  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Never order food in excess of your body weight.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Can you honestly love a dishonest thing?  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  This I believe: That the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: The freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: Any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  I believe that love cannot be bought except with love.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Anything that just costs money is cheap.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  People need responsibility. They resist assuming it, but they cannot get along without it.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  All war is a symptom of man's failure as a thinking animal.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is indestructible.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  No one wants advice, only collaboration.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Anything that just costs money is cheap.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts. Perhaps the fear of a loss of power.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  If I wanted to destroy a nation, I would give it too much and I would have it on its knees, miserable, greedy and sick.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  New York is an ugly city, a dirty city. Its climate is a scandal, its politics are used to frighten children, its traffic is madness, its competition is murderous. But there is one thing about it - once you have lived in New York and it has become your home, no place else is good enough.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Sometimes a man wants to be stupid if it lets him do a thing his cleverness forbids.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  The discipline of the written word punishes both stupidity and dishonesty.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  I have come to believe that a great teacher is a great artist and that there are as few as there are any other great artists. It might even be the greatest of the arts since the medium is the human mind and spirit.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriendand he's a priest.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When humor goes, there goes civilization.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Habit is a great deadener.  
 -  Samuel Beckett
  

  A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  It has always been my private conviction that any man who puts his intelligence up against a fish and loses had it coming.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Learning is always rebellion... Every bit of new truth discovered is revolutionary to what was believed before.  
 -  Margaret Lee Runbeck
  

  In utter loneliness a writer tries to explain the inexplicable.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact.  
 -  Martha Beck
  

  When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Bracketing has turned all my experiences, remembered and present, into a gallery of miracles where I wander around dazzled by the beauty of events I cannot explain.  
 -  Martha Beck
  

  All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  I am impelled, not to squeak like a grateful and apologetic mouse, but to roar like a lion out of pride in my profession.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  I am impelled, not to squeak like a grateful and apologetic mouse, but to roar like a lion out of pride in my profession.  
 -  John Steinbeck
  

  Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  I always used to go for blondes and quiet girls, but Victoria is the total opposite, dark and loud.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  Caring for your inner child has a powerful and surprisingly quick result: Do it and the child heals.  
 -  Martha Beck
  

  Everyone's been so quick to say that I'm really thick or I haven't got a brain. People will think whatever they want to think.  
 -  David Beckham
  

  We do not yet have the solutions to these questions, but the awareness that we live in an endangered world is present in more and more life situations.  
 -  Ulrich Beck
  

  What are you? What am I? Those are the questions that constantly persecute and torment me and perhaps also play some part in my art.  
 -  Max Beckmann
  

  Art is creative for the sake of realization, not for amusement... for transfiguration, not for the sake of play.  
 -  Max Beckmann
  

  People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  I had long hair when I was a teenager.  
 -  Beck
  

  It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick.  
 -  Samuel Beckett
  

  On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  I am a conservative, but I am not a zombie.  
 -  Glenn Beck