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Bill Cosby's Quotes


  Behind every great man is no one. The woman is 3 steps ahead.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Sigmund Freud once said, 'What do women want?' The only thing I have learned in 52 years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you dont hear often... 'And we wish you Godspeed.' It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I dont believe the kids should be given homework  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  I dont know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  There's no labor a man can do that's undignified; if he does it right.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  A word to the wise ain't necessary – it is the stupid ones that need the advice.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: The wife is in charge.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Women dont want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Gray hair is God's graffiti.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  My wife and I have five children and the reason why we have five children is because we do not want six.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  I wasn't always black. There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: It seemed like a good idea at the time.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  When you become senile, you won't know it.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Every father says the same thing: 'Where's your mother?'  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  And tired always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, 'I am just sick...' And I said, 'and tired.' I dont remember anything after that.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an all-time dumb person.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  I said to a guy, 'Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful' and he said, because it intensifies your personality. I said, 'Yes, but what if you're an asshole?'  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Is the glass half full or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring or drinking.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Decide that you want more than you are afraid of it!  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Have you ever had a cookie? Then you won't get any here either.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  An American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Nothing I have ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  An American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Sigmund Freud once said, 'What do women want?' The only thing I have learned in 52 years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  There's no labor a man can do that's undignified; if he does it right.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Is the glass half full or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring or drinking.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an all-time dumb person.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  An American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  A word to the wise ain't necessary – it's the stupid ones that need the advice.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steakhouse, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  I said to a guy, 'Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful' and he said, Because it intensifies your personality. I said, 'Yes, but what if you're an asshole?'  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an all-time dumb person.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Gray hair is God's graffiti.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  A word to the wise ain't necessary – it's the stupid ones that need the advice.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  If you have no faith, you've lost your battle.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.  
 -  Bill Cosby