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Homer Simpson's Quotes


  Just because I dont care doesnt mean I dont understand.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  You cant keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Operator! Give me the number for 911!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he is holding a gun.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Lisa, if you dont like your job you dont strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I am going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Donuts. Is there anything they cant do?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  There's so much I dont know about astrophysics! I wish I read that book by that wheelchair guy.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I won't apologize, Lisa. I am sorry, but that's just the way that I am.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Always give in to peer pressure.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, goodnight.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Old people dont need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  If God didn't want us to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  It is not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it is a bad thing!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I dont mind being called a liar when I am lying, when I am about to lie or just finished lying... but not when I am telling the truth.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  What religion am I? I am the one with all the well-meaning rules that dont work out in real life, uh, Christianity.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Dont eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Now, son, you dont want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  In High School, I was voted the person most likely to be a mental patient, hillbilly or chimpanzee.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Look! I am using the original notches that came with my belt!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  All right, let's not panic. I will make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Dont worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep - in a giant blender.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Son, when you participate in sporting events, it is not whether you win or lose: It is how drunk you get.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Trying is the first step towards failure.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Sometime, when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you. And that means that someone can love you again! And that'll make you smile.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Beer - now there's a temporary solution!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  God bless those pagans.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things. Bart experienced that at the age of four.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Kids are great. You can teach them to hate the things you hate and they practically raise themselves nowadays, you know, with the Internet and all.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I am around.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course, and I forgot how to drive?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Oh, I am in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I dont have to listen to myself. I am drunk.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I want to share something with you: the three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Marge, it takes two to lie - one to lie, and one to listen.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  All right, let's not panic. I will make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Here's to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Being married to Marge is like being married to to my best friend. And he lets me feel his boobs.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  The Bible? Talk about a preachy book. Everbody's a sinner! Except this one guy.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Honey, I am going to miss you so much. And it is not just the sex. It is also the food preparation.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  We're going bowling. If we dont come back, avenge our deaths!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I am having the best day of my life and I owe it all to not going to Church!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  What about those red balls they have on car aerials so you can spot your car in a car park? I think all cars should have them.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Ooh, a graduate student huh? How come you guys can go to the moon but you cant make my shoes smell good?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Once the sun goes down, all the weirdos turn crazy!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Your mother seems really upset. I better go have a talk with her. During the commercial.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Marge, it is 3am. Shouldn't you be baking?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Marge, are we Jewish?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Oh, honey! You're not the world's worst mother. What about the freezer lady in Georgia?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I am not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me superman.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Oh look at me !!! I am making people happy! I am the magical man from happy land, with a gumdrop house on lollipop lane! Oh by the way... I was being sarcastic.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Trying is the first step towards failure.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Here's to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  This deep-fat fryer can flash-fry a buffalo in under 40 seconds. 40 seconds? But I want it now!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  What religion am I? I'm the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I won't apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way that I am.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Here's to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Beer - now there's a temporary solution!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American Dream?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: It's how drunk you get.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  If God didn't want us to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's holding a gun.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  God bless those pagans.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course, and I forgot how to drive?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, goodnight.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Trying is the first step towards failure.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Here's to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  This deep-fat fryer can flash-fry a buffalo in under 40 seconds. 40 seconds? But I want it now!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  What religion am I? I'm the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I won't apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way that I am.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Here's to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Beer - now there's a temporary solution!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American Dream?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: It's how drunk you get.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  If God didn't want us to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's holding a gun.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  God bless those pagans.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course, and I forgot how to drive?  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, goodnight.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Homer, are you coming with us to the book fair? If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it's not a fair.  
 -  Marge and Homer Simpson