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Divorce's Quotes


  A man who lets his problems get the better of him is like a man who divorces his wife the first time she makes him angry.  
 -  Malagasy proverb
  

  Divorce: A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.  
 -  Ambrose Bierce
  

  A marriage without conflicts is almost as inconceivable as a nation without crises.  
 -  Andre Maurois
  

  You can bear your own faults, why not a fault in your wife?  
 -  Benjamin Franklin
  

  Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.  
 -  Benjamin Franklin
  

  I consider the official Catholic attitude on divorce, birth control, and censorship exceedingly dangerous to mankind.  
 -  Bertrand Russell
  

  I've gone through a really hard divorce, and anyone who has gone through a divorce will speak about how hard the journey is from start to finish. It's a life-uprooting time.  
 -  Christina Aguilera
  

  Healthy relationships are based on one thing - healthy communication, otherwise known as assertive, or to get right to the point - adult communication.  
 -  Connie Podesta
  

  In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.  
 -  Dalai Lama
  

  I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.  
 -  Elayne Boosler
  

  People do not get married planning to divorce. Divorce is the result of a lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as teammates in an intimate relationship.  
 -  Gary Chapman
  

  Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.  
 -  Groucho Marx
  

  Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.  
 -  Groucho Marx
  

  Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.  
 -  H. L. Mencken
  

  I don't like divorces because I think that when you make a contract, you should keep it. The marriage contract is one of the most sacred in the world.  
 -  Harry Truman
  

  When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.  
 -  Helen Rowland
  

  France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are made in America.  
 -  Helen Rowland
  

  People do not get married planning to divorce. Divorce is the result of a lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as teammates in an intimate relationship.  
 -  Gary Chapman
  

  Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.  
 -  Groucho Marx
  

  Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.  
 -  Groucho Marx
  

  Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.  
 -  H. L. Mencken
  

  I don't like divorces because I think that when you make a contract, you should keep it. The marriage contract is one of the most sacred in the world.  
 -  Harry Truman
  

  When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.  
 -  Helen Rowland
  

  France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are made in America.  
 -  Helen Rowland
  

  Just another of our many disagreements. He wants a no-fault divorce, whereas I would prefer to have the bastard crucified.  
 -  J. B. Handlesman
  

  I wanted a divorce, so I bought myself a house, to give me the incentive to stay married.  
 -  Jarod Kintz
  

  Divorce is the second worst event in a person’s life. The worst event, of course, is marriage.  
 -  Jarod Kintz
  

  Divorce is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.  
 -  Jean Kerr
  

  Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.  
 -  Jennifer Weiner
  

  Alimony is the screwing you get for the screwing you got.  
 -  Jim Davidson
  

  Saddam Hussein went from living in a palace to a one-bedroom hovel with next to no possessions. Where I come from, we call that divorce.  
 -  Johnnie Casson
  

  The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.  
 -  Johnny Carson
  

  Why do Hollywood divorces cost so much? Because they're worth it.  
 -  Johnny Carson
  

  The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.  
 -  Johnny Carson
  

  Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.  
 -  Jonathan Franzen
  

  You are mentally divorced when you indulge in peeves, grudges, ill will, and hostility toward your marriage partner. You are mentally dwelling with error in the bed of your mind. Adhere to your marriage vows, 'I promise to cherish, love, and honor him (or her) all the days of my life.'  
 -  Joseph Murphy
  

  My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.  
 -  Joyce Brothers
  

  For some reason, we see divorce as a signal of failure, despite the fact that each of us has a right, and an obligation, to rectify any other mistake we make in life.  
 -  Joyce Brothers
  

  It's better to have a good divorce than a bad marriage.  
 -  Larry Winget
  

  Many people are much more committed to their marriage than they are to their spouse. Many people are so committed to the institution of marriage that they stay in unhappy, abusive marriages rather than divorce.  
 -  Larry Winget
  

  I know what 'custody of the children' means. It means 'get even.'  
 -  Lenny Bruce
  

  A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.  
 -  Margaret Atwood
  

  When you live by yourself again, it's like, as if by magic, all your annoying habits are gone.  
 -  Marrill Markoe
  

  When I got divorced, I went through the various stages of grieving - anger, denial, and dancing around my settlement cheque.  
 -  Maura Kennedy
  

  A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short.  
 -  Mickey Rooney
  

  If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.  
 -  Mignon McLaughlin
  

  The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce.  
 -  Miguel de Cervantes
  

  You can't stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat.  
 -  Mike Tyson
  

  There are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.  
 -  Mitch Albom
  

  When I won the golf tournament in South Africa, I asked my wife if she'd like a designer dress or diamonds as a present, but she said, 'No, I want a divorce.' I said I wasn't planning on spending that much.  
 -  Nick Faldo
  

  I come from a wealthy divorced family. My mom's wealthy. My dad's divorced.  
 -  Pauley Shore
  

  Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is for ever.  
 -  Quentin Crisp
  

  It's tough. After five years of marriage, it's difficult to lose the one with the good credit rating.  
 -  Rich Voss
  

  Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash.  
 -  Rita Mae Brown
  

  In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds for marriage.  
 -  Robert Anderson
  

  One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas.  
 -  Robert Byrne
  

  Divorce comes from the latin word divorcerum meaning 'to have your genitals torn through your wallet.'  
 -  Robin Williams
  

  My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.  
 -  Rodney Dangerfield
  

  I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset I'm not a widow.  
 -  Roseanne Barr
  

  I've been involved in something which was chaotic and insane. All I can say now is that I am, and intend to stay, a single man.  
 -  Sylvester Stallone
  

  Do you know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it.  
 -  Unknown
  

  I don't think you need a pre-nup. If you have to plan your divorce before you get married, don't get married.  
 -  Unknown
  

  I'm an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house.  
 -  Unknown
  

  Women gain weight after marriage. Men gain weight after divorce.  
 -  Unknown
  

  You marry because you lack of judgement, and divorce because you lack of patience, and you remarry because you lack of good memories.  
 -  Unknown
  

  Just so you know, telling everyone that we are just friends is the hardest thing I have ever had to do...  
 -  Unknown
  

  I try not to think of divorce as failing at marriage but rather winning at bitterness and resentment.  
 -  Unknown
  

  Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.  
 -  Unknown
  

  My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.  
 -  Vera Foster
  

  It was a very messy divorce because there was a baby involved. Him.  
 -  Wendy Liebman
  

  The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.  
 -  Woody Allen
  

  For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.  
 -  Woody Allen
  

  My wife got the house, the car, the bank account, and if I marry again and have children, she gets them too.  
 -  Woody Allen
  

  Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.  
 -  Zig Ziglar
  

  Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.  
 -  Zsa Zsa Gabor
  

  I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.  
 -  Zsa Zsa Gabor
  

  You never really know a man until you have divorced him.  
 -  Zsa Zsa Gabor
  

  Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5,000 Gideon Bibles.  
 -  Zsa Zsa Gabor