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Drunk's Quotes


  You're not drunk as long as you can hold on to a blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth.  
 -  Irish proverb
  

  First the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man.  
 -  Japanese proverb
  

  Drunkenness reveals one's true mind.  
 -  Korean proverb
  

  Drunkenness will not protect a secret.  
 -  Irish proverb
  

  What is on a drunken man's lips is on a sober man's mind.  
 -  Danish proverb
  

  Drunkenness and anger speak truthfully.  
 -  Irish proverb
  

  If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk; happy for a long time, fall in love; happy for ever, take up gardening.  
 -  Chinese proverb
  

  Drunkenness reveals what soberness conceals.  
 -  English proverb
  

  When two say you're drunk, it's best to go to sleep.  
 -  Jewish proverb
  

  Though you drink wine, do not be drunk by wine.  
 -  Japanese proverb
  

  A drunk can sleep it off, but never a fool.  
 -  Russian proverb
  

  Drunkards have a fool's tongue and a knave's heart.  
 -  English proverb
  

  Where there is drunkenness, there is trouble.  
 -  African proverb, Swahili
  

  Better be drunk than drowned.  
 -  English proverb
  

  They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.  
 -  Scottish Proverb
  

  A drunkard and a mad man are alike.  
 -  Indian proverb
  

  Drunkenness departed and reflection came.  
 -  Egyptian proverb
  

  Responsible drinking? Now that's an oxymoron.  
 -  Aaron Howard
  

  It is best to rise from life as from a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.  
 -  Aristotle
  

  Drunkenness is temporary suicide: The happiness it brings is merely negative, a momentary cessation of unhappiness.  
 -  Bertrand Russell
  

  A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an all-time dumb person.  
 -  Bill Cosby
  

  One should always be drunk. That's all that matters... but with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you choose. But get drunk.  
 -  Charles Baudelaire
  

  If you want to know where God is, ask a drunk.  
 -  Charles Bukowski
  

  An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.  
 -  Charles Darwin
  

  A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.  
 -  Charlie Chaplin
  

  You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.  
 -  Dean Martin
  

  I don't need a baby growing inside of me for nine months, either. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.  
 -  Ellen DeGeneres
  

  I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, 'I don't know. Reelection to the Senate?'  
 -  Emo Philips
  

  Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  
 -  Ernest Hemingway
  

  An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.  
 -  Ernest Hemingway
  

  I feel bad for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.  
 -  Frank Sinatra
  

  No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness – or so good as drink.  
 -  G. K. Chesterton
  

  A sober man may become a drunkard through being a coward. A brave man may become a coward through being a drunkard.  
 -  G. K. Chesterton
  

  It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.  
 -  George Burns
  

  The sight of a drunkard is a better sermon against that vice than the best that was ever preached on that subject.  
 -  George Savile
  

  I know some who are constantly drunk on books as other men are drunk on whiskey.  
 -  H. L. Mencken
  

  A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, 'Where's his wheelchair?'  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, 'You've been brought here for drinking.' The drunk says 'Okay, let's get started.'  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: It's how drunk you get.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.  
 -  George Burns
  

  The sight of a drunkard is a better sermon against that vice than the best that was ever preached on that subject.  
 -  George Savile
  

  I know some who are constantly drunk on books as other men are drunk on whiskey.  
 -  H. L. Mencken
  

  A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, 'Where's his wheelchair?'  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, 'You've been brought here for drinking.' The drunk says 'Okay, let's get started.'  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: It's how drunk you get.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  It's like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don't know where you're going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It's like the throw of the dice.  
 -  Jim Morrison
  

  When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.  
 -  Jimmy Breslin
  

  I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.  
 -  Joe E. Lewis
  

  Credit buying is much like being drunk. The buzz happens immediately and gives you a lift... The hangover comes the day after.  
 -  Joyce Brothers
  

  Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy, it is the wine of a new procreation, and I am Bacchus who presses out this glorious wine for men and makes them drunk with the spirit.  
 -  Ludwig von Beethoven
  

  New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.  
 -  Mark Twain
  

  Human reason is like a drunken man on horseback; set it up on one side and it tumbles over on the other.  
 -  Martin Luther King Jr.
  

  Work is the curse of the drinking classes.  
 -  Oscar Wilde
  

  There is a providence that protects idiots, drunkards, children, and the United States of America.  
 -  Otto von Bismarck
  

  Intoxicated? The word did not express it by a mile. He was oiled, boiled, fried, plastered, whiffled, sozzled, and blotto.  
 -  P. G. Wodehouse
  

  This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.  
 -  P. J. O'Rourke
  

  I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.  
 -  Rodney Dangerfield
  

  My favourite drink is a cocktail of carrot juice and whiskey. I am always drunk but I can see for miles.  
 -  Roy Chubby Brown
  

  I got so wasted one night I waited for the stop sign to change, and it did.  
 -  Steve Krabitz
  

  24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?  
 -  Steven Wright
  

  A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.  
 -  W. C. Fields
  

  The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.  
 -  William Butler Yeats
  

  If merely 'feeling good' could decide, drunkenness would be the supremely valid human experience.  
 -  William James
  

  It's always difficult to make conversation with a drunk, and there's no denying it, the sober are at a disadvantage with him.  
 -  William Somerset Maugham