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Shopping's Quotes


  Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like.  
 -  Adrienne Gusoff
  

  It's a problem being beautiful. It's only the handsome men that ask us out because they're the only ones who think they have a chance. And handsome men are dolts. Life is unfair to us. At some point we have to face the certain reality: Despite all the good the world seems to offer, true happiness can only be found in one thing - shopping.  
 -  Ally McBeal, 1997
  

  Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.  
 -  Ann Landers
  

  Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money!  
 -  Anon
  

  We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls.  
 -  Bill Bryson
  

  At the bank, post office or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your own peril: the shortest line moves the slowest.  
 -  Bill Vaughan
  

  I don't shop because I need something, I just shop for shopping's sake.  
 -  Cat Deeley
  

  If men liked shopping, they'd call it research.  
 -  Cynthia Nelms
  

  Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.  
 -  Dave Barry
  

  For most of us, debt can be a trap that forces us to work longer than we should have to. What puts us into debt are bad habits such as running up balances on our credit cards and then paying them down slowly, if at all.  
 -  David Bach
  

  Is there anything more humiliating than shopping in a store you feel is beneath you and one of the customers mistakes you for an employee?  
 -  Dennis Miller
  

  When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. When men are depressed, they invade another country.  
 -  Elayne Boosler
  

  My son is always buying me things, but I never let him buy me furniture.  
 -  Elton John's mother
  

  Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.  
 -  Erma Bombeck
  

  Do a No Shopping challenge. Determine your worst clutter category - such as clothes, books, kitchenware, or electronics - and don't buy another such item for a set period of time (a month, six months, or even a year). Stopping the flow of stuff into your house is just as important as decluttering!  
 -  Francine Jay
  

  Extravagance is anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.  
 -  Franklin P. Jones
  

  A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist.  
 -  Franklin P. Jones
  

  There's nothing better than online shopping in your PJ's with a glass of wine with the kids asleep!  
 -  Helen Wilson
  

  My wife had plastic surgery. I cut up all her credit cards.  
 -  Henny Youngman
  

  I had my credit card stolen, but I didn't report it because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  My wife has a black belt in shopping.  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  There's nothing better than online shopping in your PJ's with a glass of wine with the kids asleep!  
 -  Helen Wilson
  

  My wife had plastic surgery. I cut up all her credit cards.  
 -  Henny Youngman
  

  I had my credit card stolen, but I didn't report it because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  My wife has a black belt in shopping.  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.  
 -  Henry Youngman
  

  Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!  
 -  Homer Simpson
  

  Sunday is the day God took off from creating the world to take Mrs God around IKEA.  
 -  Jeff Green
  

  Shopping is like sex for men too. They can only manage it for 5 minutes and then they get tired.  
 -  Jeff Green
  

  I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA.  
 -  Jen Lancaster
  

  I hate when they call up to check if your credit card is good. I always feel like they're talking about me. 'You won't believe what he's buying now. It's some kind of yellow thing. I don't even know what it is. Never sold one before.'  
 -  Jerry Seinfeld
  

  The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she is shopping.  
 -  Joan Rivers
  

  Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.  
 -  Joan Rivers
  

  Credit buying is much like being drunk. The buzz happens immediately and gives you a lift. The hangover comes the day after.  
 -  Joyce Brothers
  

  Buy what you don't have yet, or what you really want, which can be mixed with what you already own. Buy only because something excites you, not just for the simple act of shopping.  
 -  Karl Lagerfeld
  

  The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.  
 -  Marcelene Cox
  

  Our 'desire to acquire' won't bring us true joy. So why is it so hard to escape wanting more? Because Madison Avenue doesn't want us to. Advertising exists to perpetuate the Myth of More; it's the engine that drives our economy.  
 -  Marci Shimoff
  

  Women usually love what they buy, yet hate two-thirds of what is in their closets.  
 -  Mignon McLaughlin
  

  When I was younger, shopping helped me discover many new places and many new things.  
 -  Miuccia Prada
  

  If the ingredients for happiness are not within a person, no material success or entertainment or platinum credit cards can make that person smile.  
 -  Og Mandino
  

  In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes.  
 -  P. J. O'Rourke
  

  It's tough. After five years of marriage, it's difficult to lose the one with the good credit card rating.  
 -  Rich Voss
  

  I love to shop after a bad relationship. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. Sometimes when I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.  
 -  Rita Rudner
  

  My last credit card bill was so big, before I opened it I actually heard a drum roll.  
 -  Rita Rudner
  

  Buying something on sale is a special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it's worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?  
 -  Rita Rudner
  

  My boyfriend used to say, 'I read Playboy for the articles.' Right, and I go to shopping malls for the music.  
 -  Rita Rudner
  

  I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist.  
 -  Tammy Faye Bakker
  

  People who say money can't buy you happiness just don't know where to shop.  
 -  Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
  

  The advertising industry and Hollywood have done a wonderful job conditioning us to believe that wealth and hyperconsumption go hand in hand.  
 -  Thomas J. Stanley
  

  Recreational shopping is the shortest distance between two points: you and broke.  
 -  Victoria Moran
  

  If you can afford it, then there is no pleasure in buying it.  
 -  Wallis Simpson
  

  I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.  
 -  Warren Buffett
  

  You never wanna owe money you can't pay. I'm basically against debt. I think the average individual will live a lot happier in life if they avoid... they surely ought to avoid credit card debt. There's no reason in the world to pay 18% for my... I can't make money paying 18% for money.  
 -  Warren Buffett
  

  Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like.  
 -  Will Smith
  

  Christmas shopping for you has made me realize that I know absolutely nothing about you.  
 -  Unknown
  

  Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.  
 -  Unknown
  

  You finally got your financial aid refund check so you're going shopping.  
 -  Unknown
  

  I hate people that walk slowly in front of you in shopping centres.  
 -  Unknown
  

  Going shopping with money and nothing to find; Going shopping without money & wanting everything in sight.  
 -  Unknown
  

  When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.  
 -  Elayne Boosler
  

  That awkward moment when your parents tell you to stay in the line when you're shopping, and when you're almost near the cashier, they're not even back yet.  
 -  Unknown
  

  We're shopping because I feel miserable and this is therapy.  
 -  Brooke Davis
  

  I don't feel bad about online shopping at work. It's the only place where I can spend money WHILE I make it.  
 -  Unknown
  

  How do homeless people always seem to get the shopping cart that has all four good wheels?  
 -  Unknown
  

  Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.  
 -  Bo Derek