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Smoking's Quotes


  I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgement in all human affairs.  
 -  Albert Einstein
  

  Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes.  
 -  Anon
  

  Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend.  
 -  Anon
  

  Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.  
 -  Anon
  

  I kissed my first woman and smoked my first cigarette on the same day; I have never had time for tobacco since.  
 -  Arturo Toscanini
  

  I tried to stop smoking cigarettes by telling myself I just didn't want to smoke, but I didn't believe myself.  
 -  Barbara Kelly
  

  Even passive smoking kills. Not often enough.  
 -  Basic Instinct, 1992
  

  It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.  
 -  Benjamin Franklin
  

  Let's do what it takes to bring teen smoking down. Let's raise the price of cigarettes by up to $1.50 a pack over the next 10 years with penalties on the tobacco industry if it keeps marketing to our children.  
 -  Bill Clinton
  

  They say if you stop smoking, you'll get your sense of smell back. I live in New York City, why would I want my sense of smell back?  
 -  Bill Hicks
  

  I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, 'Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.' This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much.  
 -  Bill Hicks
  

  They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well - you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.  
 -  Bill Hicks
  

  I'd quit smoking if I didn't think I'd become one of those non-smokers.  
 -  Bill Hicks
  

  The cell phone people say there's absolutely no danger from cell phone radiation. Boy, it didn't take those tobacco executives long to find new jobs, did it?  
 -  Bill Maher
  

  Pipe-smokers spend so much time cleaning, filling and fooling with their pipes, they don't have time to get into mischief.  
 -  Bill Vaughan
  

  If you think that one individual can't make a difference in the world, consider what one cigar can do in a nine-room house.  
 -  Bill Vaughan
  

  People copy, people steal. Most of the pictures they make nowadays are loaded down with special effects. I couldn't do that. I quit smoking because I couldn't reload my Zippo.  
 -  Billy Wilder
  

  Cigarettes are a much cheaper and more widely available alternative to nicotine patches.  
 -  Bob Davies
  

  Life without smoking is like the smoke without the roast.  
 -  Cesare Pavese
  

  How can you smoke so many cigars? I toil after it, sir, as some men toil after virtue.  
 -  Charles Lamb
  

  This very night I am going to leave off Tobacco! Surely there must be some other world in which this unconquerable purpose shall be realized.  
 -  Charles Lamb
  

  If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.  
 -  Chris Rock
  

  I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.  
 -  Chris Rock
  

  Chuck Norris smokes only the finest Cuban cigar rollers.  
 -  Chuck Norris jokes
  

  Recycling and speed limits are bullshit, they're like someone who quits smoking on his deathbed.  
 -  Chuck Palahniuk
  

  Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, 'Cigarettes Contain Fat.'  
 -  Dave Barry
  

  I've been smoking nearly 50 years now. I just don't feel safe breathing anything I can't see!  
 -  Dave Beard
  

  The true face of smoking is disease, death and horror - not the glamour and sophistication the pushers in the tobacco industry try to portray.  
 -  David Byrne
  

  A cigarette is the only consumer product which when used as directed kills its consumer.  
 -  Dr. Gro Brundtland
  

  The only 'safer' cigarette is your last one.  
 -  Duane Alan Hahn
  

  It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.  
 -  Dylan Moran
  

  We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.  
 -  Dylan Moran
  

  A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry to a woman.  
 -  E. G. Bulwer-Lytton
  

  Under the pressure of the cares and sorrows of our mortal condition, men have at all times, and in all countries, called in some physical aid to their moral consolations - wine, beer, opium, brandy, or tobacco.  
 -  Edmund Burke
  

  He who doth not smoke hath either known no great griefs, or refuseth himself the softest consolation, next to that which comes from heaven.  
 -  Edward Bulwer-Lytton
  

  Fresh air makes me throw up. I can't handle it. I'd rather be around three Denobili cigars blowing in my face all night.  
 -  Frank Sinatra
  

  Tobacco is my favorite vegetable.  
 -  Frank Zappa
  

  I've smoked ten marijuana cigarettes in my life. And they've given me a sore throat, a headache, and made me sleepy. I can't understand why anyone would wanna use the stuff. It seems such an impractical pastime as you can get sent to jail for it  
 -  Frank Zappa
  

  I've been smoking for 30 years now and there's nothing wrong with my lung.  
 -  Freddie Starr
  

  If I'd taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.  
 -  George Burns
  

  I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.  
 -  George Burns
  

  Happiness? A good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman. Or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.  
 -  George Burns
  

  The nicotine patches work pretty well, but it's kind of hard to keep them lit.  
 -  George Carlin
  

  Habit is stronger than reason.  
 -  George Santayana
  

  There's no smoking in restaurants in Los Angeles. Which is a bit ironic, considering that you can't breathe the air outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.  
 -  Greg Proops
  

  It takes a lot of dedication to quit smoking, and whether you give up for good on your first try or have to give it a couple of tries - just keep swinging at it and you will succeed.  
 -  Harmon Killebrew
  

  There's something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that.  
 -  Harold Robbins
  

  If I'd taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.  
 -  George Burns
  

  I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.  
 -  George Burns
  

  Happiness? A good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman. Or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.  
 -  George Burns
  

  The nicotine patches work pretty well, but it's kind of hard to keep them lit.  
 -  George Carlin
  

  Habit is stronger than reason.  
 -  George Santayana
  

  There's no smoking in restaurants in Los Angeles. Which is a bit ironic, considering that you can't breathe the air outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.  
 -  Greg Proops
  

  It takes a lot of dedication to quit smoking, and whether you give up for good on your first try or have to give it a couple of tries - just keep swinging at it and you will succeed.  
 -  Harmon Killebrew
  

  There's something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that.  
 -  Harold Robbins
  

  Smoking I find the most ridiculous of all the varieties of human behavior and practically the only one that is entirely against nature. Can you imagine a cow or any animal taking a mouthful of smoldering straw then breathing in the smoke and blowing it out through its nostrils?  
 -  Ian Fleming
  

  Who knows whether, if I had given up smoking, I should really have become the strong perfect man I imagined? Perhaps it was this very doubt that bound me to my vice, because life is so much pleasanter if one is able to believe in one's own latent greatness.  
 -  Italo Svevo
  

  It is more profitable for your Congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.  
 -  Jackie Mason
  

  For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.  
 -  Jay Leno
  

  Why did anyone think a camel is a good product image for a cigarette? I think each one is the  
 -  Jerry Seinfeld
  

  We shall not refuse tobacco the credit of being sometimes medical, when used temperately, though an acknowledged poison.  
 -  Jesse Torrey
  

  I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.  
 -  Johnny Carson
  

  There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.  
 -  Katharine Whitehorn
  

  Smoking sucks! The one thing I would say to my kid is, 'It's not just that it's bad for you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life fighting a stupid addiction to a stupid thing that doesn't even really give you a good buzz?'  
 -  Katherine Heigl
  

  Exercise can't counteract the damage being done to your body while you continue to smoke. What exercise can do is help you kick the habit.  
 -  Kenneth H. Cooper
  

  The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide.  
 -  Kurt Vonnegut
  

  Men are like cigars, If you don't attend to them, they go out.  
 -  Mae West
  

  I never allow myself to be photographed if I'm not smoking. It's a strict policy I initiated when it became politically correct not to smoke.  
 -  Maggi Hambling
  

  It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines and the cigarette were placed on prescription.  
 -  Malcolm Potts
  

  Often when a person can't get past stress, she will turn to overeating, drinking or smoking, which can become a greater problem than the stress itself.  
 -  Marilu Henner
  

  Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.  
 -  Mark Twain
  

  I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.  
 -  Mark Twain
  

  I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and put them in my mouth.  
 -  Mignon McLaughlin
  

  Good food, good sex, good digestion, good sleep - to these basic animal pleasures, man has added nothing but the good cigarette.  
 -  Mignon McLaughlin
  

  A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite and leaves one quite unsatisfied. What more can one want?  
 -  Oscar Wilde
  

  My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.  
 -  Phyllis Diller
  

  The believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco.  
 -  Ralph Waldo Emerson
  

  I think the reason kids get into drugs and smoking is they don't have anything to do.  
 -  Richard Thompson
  

  Tobacco, divine, rare superexcellent tobacco, which goes far beyond all panaceas, potable gold and philosopher's stones, a sovereign remedy to all diseases.  
 -  Robert Burton
  

  The smoke from burning marijuana contains many more cancer-causing substances than tobacco. And if that isn't enough it leads to bronchitis and emphysema. If adults want to take such chances that is their business. But surely the communications media... should let four million youngsters know what they are risking.  
 -  Ronald Reagan
  

  I've quit smoking. I feel better, I smell better, and it's safer to drink out of old beer cans around the house.  
 -  Roseanne Barr
  

  Having smoking and non-smoking sections in the same room is like having urinating and non- urinating sections in a swimming pool.  
 -  Ross Parker
  

  Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health. However, I always carried a jewel-studded cigarette case in which, instead of tobacco, were carefully placed several mustaches, Adolphe Menjou style. I offered them politely to my friends: Mustache? Mustache? Mustache? Nobody dared to touch them. This was my test regarding the sacred aspect of mustaches.  
 -  Salvador Dali
  

  Smokers, male and female, inject and excuse idleness in their lives every time they light a cigarette.  
 -  Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette
  

  Smoking is indispensable if one has nothing to kiss.  
 -  Sigmund Freud
  

  Of two cigars pick the longest and strongest.  
 -  Sir Winston Churchill
  

  Smoking cigars is like falling in love. First you are attracted to its shape; you stay with it for its flavor; and you must always remember never, never, let the flame go out.  
 -  Sir Winston Churchill
  

  My religion prescribed an absolute sacred rite of smoking cigars and drinking alcohol.  
 -  Sir Winston Churchill
  

  I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, mid-evening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning... But never at dusk! Never at dusk, I would never do that.  
 -  Steve Martin
  

  Smoking cures weight problems - eventually.  
 -  Steven Wright
  

  To some, the cigarette is a portable therapist.  
 -  Terri Guillemets
  

  Watching the smoke dance out of a cigarette is like watching a girl dance out of her dress.  
 -  Terri Guillemets
  

  I don't let men smoke in my apartment. But if I have a woman over, she can barbecue a goat.  
 -  Todd Barry
  

  It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere.  
 -  Voltaire
  

  I'll tell you why I like the cigarette business. It costs a penny to make. Sell it for a dollar. It's addictive. And there's a fantastic brand loyalty.  
 -  Warren Buffett
  

  Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.  
 -  Warren Buffett
  

  I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.  
 -  George F. Burns
  

  We know smoking tobacco is not good for kids, but a lot of other things aren't good. Drinking's not good. Some would say milk's not good.  
 -  Bob Dole
  

  Every smoker has a story, if u tell them smoking kills, may be something is already killing them....  
 -  Unknown
  

  The best way to stop smoking is to just stop - no ifs, ands or butts.  
 -  Edith Zittler
  

  People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them... Well, it's killing me!  
 -  Wendy Liebman
  

  Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.  
 -  Fletcher Knebel